Large Group at Giovanni's Unwittingly Provides Dinner Entertainment

The Spitzers recently had dinner at Giovanni’s, our local go-to Italian restaurant. Nathaniel had been jonesing all week for a "folded-over pizza,” which is his way of saying “stromboli.” Fun facts: 1). Nathaniel did order a stromboli, 2). It was nearly the size of him, and 3). Approximately 96% of it came home as leftovers.

Nathaniel’s stromboli could feed an aircraft carrier for a week.

Giovanni’s food is always a home run, but the evening’s entertainment came from the tables next to us. There were two large rectangular tables set up for a massive group that all knew each other. There were several middle-aged couples, two people who appeared to be grandparents, and a handful of middle schoolers. There was also a baby that was being passed around and kissed. It didn’t appear to be a birthday party, but rather just a group of friends and family getting together.

The group was not being overly loud, mainly because everyone was sadly staring at their phones. But there were a few extremely bizarre statements I really enjoyed:

1). At Table 1, there were two middle-aged men on opposite ends of the same row (two women - presumably their wives - were sitting between them). Both of the men were heavyset. At one point, one man put down his phone and said something about his leg not being right. The other man responded that his leg also hurts, and he fears he has gout because he “ate too many chicken livers.”

This is an extremely-specific cuisine to blame for your problem, sir. How many chicken livers do you consume weekly?? Do you eat chicken livers competitively? Please consider pairing your chicken livers with a garden salad going forward.

Side Note: The word “GOUT” was amazingly in a word search Nathanel did at a restaurant in Pawleys Island, South Carolina last summer. G-O-U-T was right in the puzzle, clear as day, even though it wasn’t in the formal word bank. The words on Nathaniel’s kid menu were all lunch foods, so maybe this was an Easter egg from the puzzle author?? I don’t remember “CHICKEN LIVERS” being in the word search, though.

BisQit in Pawleys Island: Home of the famous “GOUT” crossword

2). The group was trying to split the bill like 12 different ways, much to the chagrin of the waitress. People were putting in orders, and it was really confusing who was on what bill. At one point, the waitress asked the middle schoolers at Table 2 what they wanted to eat, and a man at that table (who previously ordered a half-sweet, half-unsweet iced tea), just pointed to Table 1 and said, “They’re with them.”

What does that mean? Does that mean they are eating the meal from the other table? It’s not as though they were just getting pizzas and all sitting next to each other. Are those kids going to scoop up linguini with clam sauce from the other table and shove it in their mouths? It didn’t help that the iced tea man immediately went back to looking at his phone.

3). The highlight of the meal was a comment Gout Man 1 made to the waitress. After the orders were put in and the group was waiting for food to come out, GM1 nonchalantly asked the waitress, “Can I have a Pepsi on a separate check?”

Sir, I will pay for your soft drink if you stop trying to make everyone’s life miserable. Isn’t this cola just going on one of the dodecahedron of checks that are coming out at the end?? Why do you need a separate bill for this? You can’t reimburse yourself through a Health Savings Account for soda. Hold on to that sweet pre-tax HSA money for your gout treatments!

Blessings to Giovanni’s for providing Nathaniel with leftovers through next summer, blessings to the kitchen staff as they dealt with this clown car of customers, and blessings to gout doctors as they continue working in cahoots with the American chicken liver industry!