Why Does Everyone in the Richmond Area Have the Flu?

An open letter to people I've come across recently:

To the two people on the Amtrak train who were doing a "dueling banjos" coughing routine last week:

Please go to the doctor. It should be a hint you are ill if you cough ten times in a row, then the guy across the aisle responds with five hacks of his own. Is this a rehearsed routine? Are you coordinating your coughs? Is this some sort of avant-garde BS? Two thumbs down for your routine, sirs.

To the person at American Family Fitness who was coughing up crap onto a tissue, then repeatedly placing the tissue on the stair-climber:

That has to be a violation of both club rules and the social contract. You need to go to the doctor. Perhaps some time in the sauna would do you good. Are you planning on wiping down the machine when you are done? I think we need to steam clean the entire gym. The clue you're doing something wrong: No other gym member is within four machines of you. 

To the trendy hipster in the lime-green glasses on the Amtrak train a few weeks ago: 

You have the flu. You might be a hipster, but that doesn't prevent you from catching an illness. You need to take a day off. Please cash in some PTO. I don't know where you work, but I'm assuming your boss doesn't want to catch what you have. Do you not realize that you are aggressively coughing and clearing your throat every five seconds? Seek medical attention, hipster.

To the person on the Amtrak train who was coughing so loudly that the guy ahead of him turned around and asked if he was OK because he sounded like he was dying:

You are putting us all at risk. That is the loudest coughing I've ever heard. I'm assuming you aren't married because your wife would never let you leave the house like that. How loud does the coughing have to be before you realize you have a problem? Who is your Primary Care Physician? I feel as though I have an ethical obligation to let him or her know of your condition. Is it not a hint that complete strangers are worried about your well-being?  

Blessings to everyone as they seek medical attention going forward!