"Superhuman:" A Delicate Blend of Amazing Accomplishments, Epic Fails

The Fox Network recently ran a one-off special called "Superhuman," which had the following description:

"Twelve people with extraordinary abilities in areas such as memory, taste, touch, smell, and sight compete for a $100,000 prize. Kal Penn hosts and is joined by Mike Tyson, Mary Lynn Rajskub, and Dr. Rahul Jandial to determine the winner."

With my curiosity officially piqued, I DVRed the show and took notes. Rest assured I was not disappointed! 

Let's get to the highlights:

- The show starts with a montage of people jumping up and down and giving "I can't believe I just saw that!" reaction shots. Actress Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe from "24") just shouted, "Can I get half a Valium, please?" Wait - is Fox allowed to hand out drugs to former network stars? If so, let's please hook Mary Lynn up with half a Valium.

Analyst Chloe O'Brian was probably drug-free on "24."

- Kal Penn welcomes everyone to the show and goes over the rules. As outlined in the description, we'll see 12 everyday people who have amazing abilities. The crowd will vote at the end as to who receives the $100,000 grand prize.

- To "help us understand what we're seeing," Fox has a panel of "celebrities" who will comment throughout the show. Despite the description in the DVR, the panel will not actually determine the winner.

The Panel

Mike Tyson: Kal tells the audience that Iron Mike ended his career with 44 knockouts. No mention of his losses to Danny Williams and Kevin McBride. Tyson is wearing a velvet jacket and is sporting a horrible mustache.

Mary Lynn Rajskub: Kal says that Mary Lynn is "super funny." Thanks, Kal!

Dr. Rahul Jandial: He must be the brains of this operation. Dr. Jandial is supposed to give us insight as to how these people are accomplishing their feats.

Contestant 1: Zoe

- In a pre-recorded segment, we learn that Zoe has a Masters in Computer Science. "I haven't met people who are as obsessive at acquiring new skills as I am," she tells the camera. Apparently, Zoe uses binary logic to remember large quantities of information. "I can't believe I'm here!" she says. Why? You are on a show hosted by Kal Penn.

- For Zoe's challenge, there are 60 chess pieces on the set (30 white kings and 30 black queens). Mike and Mary Lynn are going to rearrange all of the pieces so that the kings and queens are in a random order. Then Zoe will take a minute to observe them and finally - while blindfolded - tell us the new order of kings and queens. Per Kal, there are over 1 trillion possible combinations. Fun!

- Mike and Mary Lynn start picking up pieces and moving them around. "I'm glad they're not too heavy," Tyson says. Yes, Iron Mike, you are now out of shape. 

- "All the blacks are back here, and all the whites are over there," Tyson says. Wait - was that a racial comment?? Nervous laughter in the crowd. Mary Lynn then says, "Racial!" Oh no, this is falling apart fast. Fox quickly cuts to an African-American girl in the crowd, and she's laughing. NEVERMIND! It's fine, it's fine. She's cool with the joke. Now Tyson says, "Get some of those blacks out of here." Come on, Mike, we just healed those wounds!

Jesse Jackson is nearby in case this gets out of hand.

- After the bizarre racial comments, we're ready to go. Zoe takes off her blindfold and goes up and down the rows, memorizing the pattern. Then she puts her blindfold back on and starts repeating the order, "King...king...queen...king" etc. She gets them all - well done!

- Mike Tyson is amazed and says, "I don't know what you're doing." It's true; I don't think he knows what's going on. Mary Lynn and Dr. Jandial congratulate Zoe on her accomplishment.

Contestant 2: Brandee

- Our next contestant is Brandee, who is 17. After years of bullying, Brandee found solace in gymnastics. She's now a contortionist who can put her legs up on a brick wall and maneuver her body in all kinds of weird ways.

- Her challenge is to work her way through an "Ocean's 11" - style laser grid without tripping any of the wires. This looks tough. Oh, and one other thing - she has to do it blindfolded. WHY? Nowhere in the backstory did it say that is one of her skills.

This person avoided the lasers by keeping his eyes open.

- Before the challenge starts, Dr. Jandial says he "struggles to hit the light switch in the dark, so this is really harder." That's sad, Dr. Jandial, that you are unable to turn off your light switch at home.

- Brandee starts going through the maze and is avoiding the lasers. Lots of oohs and ahhs in the crowd. It really is impressive. But why again is she blindfolded? Oh no! She hit a laser at the end. FAIL. Still, she gets a standing ovation from the crowd, and Mary Lynn tells her, "Your heart and soul are inspiring."

Contestant 3: Ronnie

- Ronnie is a middle-aged country gentleman who claims that "an MRI showed he uses 35% more of his brain than the average person." BURN on us regular folk. Ronnie says he memorized the names of every soldier killed in Afghanistan and "likes to go out." Seems like two odd things to put together. Now there is a video clip of him walking outside of a bar, and a woman slaps his butt. Harassment!

- For Ronnie's challenge, Fox has set up a bar with about a dozen tables. There are girls at each table, and Ronnie has to find out their names, phone numbers, and a fact about each one. Then, Fox will randomly select five girls, and Ronnie has to repeat back all of their information.

- Before the challenge, Dr. Jandial says the trick is for Ronnie to visualize a house for each girl with her number and fact on the outside. Ronnie confirms in a flirty tone that he will be "putting these girls in rooms in his house." There is then a montage of Ronnie asking information from these girls. One of them used to be a blacksmith. Fun! Ronnie tells another girl that his shirt is made out of "boyfriend material," and the girl rolls her eyes.

- For each girl that Fox selects, Ronnie has to say her phone number out loud, and the girl's cell phone rings. Unnecessary! When the girl picks up, he says her name and the fact. He gets them all - well done! Mike Tyson adds, "You're going to get so lucky," and the crowd laughs.

Contestant 4: Yusnier

- Yusnier is a math prodigy from Cuba. Did you know that he used to teach for $20 a week? No wonder he came to America! #capitalism. "I don't use calculators; I am the calculator," he tells the camera. 

- For this challenge, Fox is going to flash a series of 10 numbers on a big screen in the studio. Each number will be displayed for 300 milliseconds. Yusnier has to watch the 10 numbers and then add them in his head. They will speed up the process each time he does it.

- As you can imagine, this is pretty amazing. They flash numbers on the screen (numbers between 1 and 100), but it's hard to keep up after two or three. After the first set of 10 flash on the screen, Yusnier thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "629." He is correct!

- For the second round, the numbers only stay on the screen for 200 milliseconds, and it drops to 100 milliseconds for the final round. By the end, the numbers are really flying by. But he's able to correctly sum the totals for all three rounds. Amazing! This is where Mary Lynn asks for drugs. Mike Tyson adds, "This is really complicated stuff for me." REALLY? I just assumed Mike Tyson was also doing those high-level calculations in his head.

Contestant 5: Will

- Our next contestant is Will, an executive chef who has an amazing ability to taste. In the promotional video, Will says he "can tell a dish to the ounce." Huh? "I love eating...look at me!" Will is a bit of a heavyset gentleman.

- Hey look, it's "Masterchef" star Graham Elliot! Hi, Graham. What are you doing here? Please tell me he's not trying to hawk a cookbook. For the challenge, Graham has made three dishes. For each, he has left out an ingredient. Will has to taste the dish, look at the ingredient list, and then tell us what ingredient was left out. Kal mentions that these dishes came from Graham's "Masterchef Ultimate Cookbook." SHAMELESS PROMOTION.

I thought you were doing this out of the goodness of your heart, Graham.

Dish 1: Stuffed Peppers

- Will samples the peppers, looks at the ingredient list, and says that "smoked paprika" is missing. Is he right? NO! It's "cumin," ladies and gentlemen. The missing ingredient was "cumin." FAIL.

Dish 2: Indian Curry-Spiced Cornish Hen

- Will thinks he can bounce back from his misstep. For this one, he guesses "mustard seed" as the missing ingredient. NO! It's "green cardamom pods." FAIL

Dish 3: Apple Spice Cake

- Trying to avoid the sweep, Will takes a few bites of cake. He asks, "Does the audience get a piece?" SUCK UP. Will seems confident in his answer: "cream of coconut." Oh, I'm sorry! The correct answer is "vanilla extract." FAIL.

- Will went 0/3, meaning the viewing audience would have done just as well without even sampling the food. Good luck to your restaurant, Will.

Contestant 6: John

-  John has "great vision" and can "tell minor differences between images." He's a new dad, and what do you know? The baby "has extra medical bills." So really, crowd, if you don't vote for him to win the money, then you hate children #GuiltTrip. 

- For this challenge, they bring out a pair of massive murals, each with 18,432 tiles. Right now, the murals are exactly the same. Mary Lynn is going to come out (while John is blindfolded) and change the color of three tiles on one mural. John then has to spot which three tiles have been changed.

- Mary Lynn changes three tiles (she changes tiles that are right at eye level for her), and we're ready to go. John stares at the second mural and directs Kal (who is holding a pointer) where to point for the changed tiles. He gets the first two pretty easily, but he can't find the third. "I think I'm stumped," he says as they cut to a commercial. They show his grandmother in the crowd putting her hands on her head in shame. WHAT ABOUT THE MEDICAL BILLS, JOHN?

- After the commercial break, John wants one more minute to look at it. Wait, hold everything! He found it. He tells Kal where to point and says, "That's my final guess." Who are you, Regis Philbin? He got it - well done!

- "Imagine if you were colorblind," says Mike Tyson. Yeah, Mike, that would make it really hard.

Clips from Earlier in the Show

- I wasn't sure how Fox was going to squeeze in six more contestants because they were running out of time. At this point, they showed a montage of "earlier contestants" who didn't make the cut. Obviously, these people didn't do very well and are not in the running for the $100,000 prize. They were:

Nadia: She had to get in three tubs of water and guess the temperature of each tub. They showed a clip of her guessing 70 degrees on the first one, and it was 73. No clip of the other guesses.

Amanda: She is a "human bloodhound" who has excellent smell. In this challenge, a handful of audience members came up front and rubbed small items on their bodies. Then Amanda smelled the items, smelled the people, and guessed who rubbed what on themselves. There were only a few audience members participating; it actually seemed really easy.

Jeff: A "human radar," Jeff can tell us how fast a ball is thrown. Hey look, it's former Philadelphia Phillie Roy Oswalt! He is going to throw three balls, and Jeff will give us the velocity. NOTE: Oswalt is wearing a jersey that just says "Superhuman."

- For the first throw, Jeff guesses 85 mph, and the scoreboard displays 84 mph. Well done! There was no video of the other two pitches.

Roy Oswalt knew his agent could still find him work.

Zoe #2: This Zoe (not to be confused with the one who nearly started a race riot earlier), is an expert in touch. A bunch of shirtless male lifeguards come onto the stage (much to the delight of the women in the crowd) and Mary Lynn picks out a few for this challenge. The blindfolded Zoe has to feel their chests, then later look at the lifeguards and determine who was who based on the earlier chest-touching.

- After touching the men, Zoe is ready to guess. She says the first lifeguard she touched was #8. Wrong! It was #11. And that's the end of the video clip. No other guesses? She got them all wrong? Oh what a talent! Maybe Zoe and Will the chef can go out later after the show. 

Contestant 11: Katelyn

- We are now back to the "regular" contestants who have earned a full block of corporate airtime. Katelyn "learned piano before she could speak" and has the ability to name a tune just by watching the keystrokes. To demonstrate, Fox cuts the audio for the viewing audience and lets us only see a person playing the piano. Can we guess what song he is playing? Seems nearly impossible.

- So who did the Fox Network line up to play some tunes? Why, it's former "Late Show" and "Spinal Tap" star Paul Shaffer! They bring out a piano with the "Superhuman" logo on the side, and everyone is excited to see Paul. 

This is Paul Shaffer's best gig since "Spinal Tap."

- Paul tells Katelyn that if she is able to name the tunes, he will be so impressed that he would "ask to take her out to dinner." Flirty! Katelyn, however, does not seem interested in a dinner date.

- Katelyn puts on headphones (playing white noise), and Paul plays the first tune. It's "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift, which sounds absurd on the piano. But Katelyn guesses correctly - well done! The second tune is "Ride of the Valkyries," and again, Katelyn gets it right. It really is amazing that she can name the tune just by watching Paul Shaffer on the piano. The final song is the "Star-Spangled Banner," and Paul tried to throw Katelyn off by playing it in an artsy, jazzy style. Still, she gets it right and ends the challenge 3/3. Impressive!

Contestant 12: Luis

- Luis, who "grew up in the streets," has an expert memory. Per his sympathetic backstory, Luis had to sell trinkets door-to-door to help the family. His mother held down two or three jobs, and they were on food stamps. Hey look - there's his mom in the audience! Congratulations? 

- Earlier in the day, Luis met 100 people in the crowd. For each person, he had to learn their name, hometown, and a fact. He will now have to answer some questions about five random people. For a few, they will put up a photo, and Luis has to give the name and town. For others, they will give the name and he has to give the other information. Basically, it's the same challenge that Ronnie completed earlier.

- There is a little bit of drama, but this game is pretty boring. He's able to give the names, facts, and hometowns without too much trouble. "This is spooky stuff," says Mike Tyson for no reason. Luis obviously has a great memory, but the challenge feels stale because we saw something similar a few minutes earlier.

The Winner

- Now that we've seen all of the contestants, it's time for the studio audience to pick a winner! Mike Tyson says he would vote for Katelyn, who was able to name tunes by only looking at the key strokes. Mary Lynn Rajskub thinks Brandee the contortionist should win. Can you really win even if you don't complete the challenge?? Dr. Jandial says he would vote for Yusnier the math prodigy. Personally, I would have voted for Katelyn with Yusnier coming in a close second.

- The crowd votes, and Luis is the winner! Congratulations to Luis, who no longer has to sell trinkets. I think the vote was influenced by his backstory and the fact that he went last.

"Superhuman" was an enjoyable program that showcased some pretty amazing talents. The most superhuman feat of the evening, however, was seeing Kal Penn working again.

Photo Credits:

Mary Lynn Rajskub / Chloe O'Brian: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2014/01/14/theres-going-to-be-another-season-of-24-and-in-it-chloe-obrian-pulls-an-edward-snowden/

Jesse Jackson: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Jackson

Laser Grid: http://articles.marco.org/118

Graham Elliot: http://www.foodnetwork.com/hosts/graham-elliot/bio.html

Roy Oswalt: http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/phillies/Update-on-Oswalt.html

Paul Shaffer / Artie Fufkin: http://steeshes.com/tag/artie-fufkin/