Movie Idea: "Undercover Sommelier"

Jason Statham stars as an FBI agent assigned to bring down a prominent organized crime ring. For years, the government has tried to infiltrate the tight-knit Russo crime family. From hiring actor Steve Schirripa to pose as a long-lost cousin, to planting bugs in unsolicited credit card offers, nothing has worked.

Statham decides to pose as a wine steward hired to work a private party at the Russo family compound. This is especially dangerous because he knows nothing about wine. The goal is to observe the mobsters and, hopefully, overhear some incriminating conversations.

Statham shows up to the party wearing a tuxedo lined with hidden wires. "Hey, who hired you?!" asks Johnny Carwash (Dennis Farina). "Oh, I was hired by Frankie Knuckles," Statham responds, referring to a high-level boss. Johnny doesn't ask any more questions. Only true mobsters know about Frankie Knuckles.

During the event, Statham wheels around his wine cart. He overhears all kinds of mob talk. Two henchmen talk about taking down a bank next week. Another openly refers to running numbers on the East Side. It's a gold mine. The incriminating chatter isn't coming through on the hidden microphones, however, because someone is blaring Roxette's "Joyride" in the background.

The wine cart is a key ingredient in this operation.

 

Because the mobsters are having hors d'oeuvres at this point, Statham can get away with just pouring basic red and white wines. When dinner is served, however, the mob bosses ask him to come to the table and make a wine pairing for each dish.

 

Statham doesn't know what he's doing, and it shows. He just keeps saying, "a Petit Verdot would go well with that" and "I would recommend a dry wine for your dish." The mobsters think something is up. As Statham is pouring a glass, one of the henchmen sees a wire.

 

"Get him! He's not a sommelier!" a boss yells. Several of the goons lunge after Statham, and they rip off his jacket. Statham starts smashing bottles to slow down the attackers. He's able to fight his way out of the house and into his car, where he drives back to headquarters.

 

The mobsters realize after the fact that they couldn't tell the difference between any of the wines anyway. This gives them an idea. They decide that stealing discount wines, changing the labels, and then selling them as high-end products is a great way to launder money. The Russo family uses the experience to get into yet another profitable industry.

 

The FBI operation is such as disaster that Statham is demoted to an entry-level position. Ironically, he's fired a week later for drinking on the job.