Well, Charlie Sheen's DC show was Tuesday night - and in all honesty - I can say it was everything I thought it would be. Basically, the "show" was a disorganized trainwreck that counted on hecklers for most of the laughs. And yes, and it was worth every penny.
Let's get to the highlights:
- I went to the show with Stirling, John, and Lauren (John's girlfriend). The show was moved to 9:00 because Charlie had a court appearance in the morning back in Los Angeles. Going into the show, we all thought this could be the "perfect storm" for an on-stage meltdown. Charlie lost custody of his kids that morning, he was on a plane all day (and drinking), many of his other shows bombed, and he might not even know where he is.
- Inside the building, they were selling programs - which featured a He-Man style cartoon on the front - for $20. We didn't see a single person who bought one. They were selling beer ($6.00 for a Bud Light), and Stirling tried unsuccessfully to order a mojito (they were sold out, even though it was only 8:10). FAIL!
- There is a real grab-bag of characters here in the lobby. As we were standing in line for beer, John noticed a guy behind us with an epic mustache. John tried to subtlety point this out to us, and Stirling and I nonchalantly took a look. It was absolutely epic. The best part was after we looked at it, the guy whispered to the girl with him that "the guy ahead of us whispered something and everyone turned around." Well, that's what happens when you sport a 'stache like that!
Brandon Dubinsky of the New York Rangers has an epic mustache,
much like the guy in the beer line.
- Now we're in our seats (we had a great view of the stage), and Alanis Morissette's "One Hand in My Pocket" is playing in the background. Oh wait, now they're playing Jimmy Buffett. What a mess. Stirling and I are debating how much we'd be willing to pay just to have the opportunity to yell in Sheen's face. Also, we're hoping he gets arrested and tased on stage (5:2 odds).
- The lights go down, and we start out with a series of video clips - many from movies Sheen was not even in (like "Taxi Driver"). Then Sheen makes his way on stage (through the crowd) while wearing a Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn Nationals jersey. The crowd is going nuts, and Sheen takes off the jersey, signs it, and throws it into the crowd. So far, the buzz in the room is outstanding.
- Sheen starts out with a few minutes of stand-up. "I hope you had a better f---king day than I did," he said. And he still seems to be "winning" against his ex-wife Brooke. "Scoreboard doesn't lie: Me...A bazillion....Brooke....f---king zero."
- After about 5 minutes, the show went downhill - FAST. They brought out "Tommy Griffiths" from some morning radio show here in town for an "Inside the Actor's Studio"-style interview. Charlie obviously didn't know him and had to look at a notecard just to get his name! FAIL.
- When Griffiths was introduced, a heckler yelled "You suck!" and another commented, "Radio is a dead medium!" This turned into the theme for the night - no one cared what was going on onstage. Rather, the hecklers in the crowd provided the laughs.
- Griffiths is asking stupid questions like, "What do you think about the NBA playoffs?" Also, he plays a word-association game with Charlie where he asks about lots of different things (like female body parts), and the segment bombs. It appeared as though Griffiths was trying to be hip, much like a father to a teenage girl who tries to be "cool" by quoting Justin Bieber lyrics.
- As I'm frantically taking notes, the girl behind me asks if I have a blog. The crowd behind us is providing some of the best heckles. When Charlie says, "I've always been there for my children," a heckler yells, "Crack kills!" Stirling can confirm that during this segment, I was laughing so hard that I was having trouble breathing. The crowd has completely turned. A few people are starting to walk out. The DJ is getting booed. And I'm loving every minute of it!
- Charlie is now off on a tangent about running for President. Listen to this platform: He wants Nicolas Cage to be his running mate, he wants to "send the IRS to prison," give money "to people who need it," and get the US to "start making sh-t again." Four more years! Four more years!
- Now, one of the "goddesses" comes out on stage to a smattering of cheers. She throws some hats into the crowd, then walks off. No one was quite sure what just happened.
- Someone in the crowd just yelled, "F--k you, f--ker." Clearly, the crowd is making sophisticated, well-reasoned arguments. Sheen now gets into a story about how when he first met Marlon Brando, Mr. Brando ate an entire bowl of spaghetti. I guess that was a joke about his weight, but no one is sure. Now, people are yelling, "Emilio!"
- Sheen requests a five-minute break, and when they come back onstage, Tommy Griffiths says he's going to wrap up his part of the show. The crowd cheers very loudly at this announcement. Then he says to listen to his show tomorrow morning for more audio clips, and the crowd boos him mercilessly. In an article I read this morning, they described it as "thunderous boos."
- Jeff Ross shows up for a roast, and he provided the only genuine entertainment of the night. Highlights of his roast: "How do you roast a meltdown?"; "Bernie Madoff went to the Detroit show and asked for his money back."; "You're the black sheep of the family responsible for three 'Mighty Ducks' movies"; "'Two and a Half Men' left us with a cliffhanger about Type II diabetes." Hey, come on Jeff, keep Angus T. Jones out of this! Angus is a true professional.
- They now bring a few fans from the crowd onstage to ask questions. It was awful. They had a few attractive girls who got booed when they mentioned boyfriends / husbands. One of the security guards / hired muscle on stage had a jacket and body shape that reminded me to Walton Goggins from "The Shield." One fan, a stay-at-home-mom, asks Sheen if he knows about a joint with cocaine. The crowd boos. Then, they brought up a heckler from the crowd. He tried to kiss up to Sheen, then asked about midgets. More loud booing from the crowd.
Walton Goggins (second from left) knew how to keep it cool.
- A man in a suit is now walking up and down the aisles in our area, waving his arms to ask people to stop booing. It's not working. Who is this man? Why can't we boo? The booing is even louder than before. Jeff Ross then reads an e-mail he got from Michael Moore in which Moore credits Sheen for not "selling out" and pretending to be someone he's not. The crowd is dead.
- It's 10:45, and I unfortunately have to leave so I can grab the Metro to get to the Huntington station (where my car was parked). John and Stirling told me in the morning that the show only lasted a few more minutes, and it featured a video of Snoop Dogg rapping about Sheen. FAIL!
Overall, I would say that the show itself was a D. It wasn't really a "show" as much as an improv debacle. From a comedy point of view, I would give it an A+ and would go back in a heartbeat.
Charlie billed this show as a "violent torpedo of truth." Really, it was more like a primitive musket, tragically backfiring on its owner.
No comments:
Post a Comment