Note: In case you want to watch this episode, it's entitled "Food, Sweat, and Tears." Check your local listings and set the DVR!
Let's get to the highlights:
- The American version of "Chopped" features "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" star Ted Allen. The Canadian version is hosted by...Dean McDermott. Yes, the guy who's married to Tori Spelling. I've read in various celebrity trash magazines that Dean and Tori are about to get a divorce. Per "In Touch," Dean was caught cheating with a 28-year-old in early December; the couple put on a "united front" for the kids over the holiday season. "Despite all the negativity, Tori's doing her best not to let this affect the kids," says a family friend. Thank you, "family friend."
Dean McDermott's marriage is on the chopping block.
- Dean has on a great outfit. He's sporting a suit jacket with open-collar white dress shirt and a decorative purple handkerchief. It's as if he wants to say, "I want to be formal but need some air flow around my neck."
Contestant 1: Mike. Mike is a chef at a restaurant in Calgary and runs a hamburger food truck. He tells the camera that if he wins the $10,000 prize, he will put the money away for his two daughters to go to college.
Contestant 2: Ryan. Ryan has been a chef in British Columbia for 10 years. Recently, he took a leave of absence due to his wife's miscarriage. He says he's "trying to be her rock" because "life is so short."
Contestant 3: Robin. Robin (a man) is the owner of a company called "Wise Guy Foods" in Yellowknife. He owns a food truck, and his wife works the truck during her lunch break. If he wins the money, he will take his family on vacation.
Fun fact about Yellowknife (per Wikipedia): It is the home of Margot Kidder, who played Lois Lane in four "Superman" movies.
Yellowknife is the capital of the Northwest Territories.
Contestant 4: Adam. Adam is the chef at a pub. He tells the camera, "I don't like to follow trends. I like to create trends." BURN! Adam developed alopecia at 15, which caused him to lose all of his hair. Without much confidence, he turned to cooking. When he became a chef, he got his confidence back.
Watch out, Ryan! Adam is making a serious challenge for the sympathy vote.
Eric's Note: Obviously, a miscarriage is very serious, and so is Adam's alopecia. As you will see, however, the two of them are going to shamelessly promote these events to get sympathy from the audience and the judges. By the end of the show, they actually come off as unsympathetic.
Round 1: Appetizer
Mandatory ingredients:
- Processed cheese slices
- Ground turkey
- Baked beans
- Chokecherry jelly
- Robin says that his goal in the first round is to "not go home first." He decides to make a chili, and they show him basically just throwing the mandatory ingredients together in a bowl. Ladies and gentleman, this is world-class cooking.
- Adam, who has alopecia, is going to make a turkey spring roll. To kick it up, he adds some spices from the pantry. "In the kitchen, no one cares what you look like," he mentions. See, he has alopecia.
George Costanza knew a thing or two about hair loss.
- Mike's going with a turkey meatball with southwest-style beans. He adds some hard cheeses to the meatballs. He emphasizes again that if he wins, the money will go towards his daughters' college funds. I hate to break it to you, Mike, but you are going up against two competitors with superior sob stories. No one cares about a Canadian 529 plan!
- Ryan, whose wife had a miscarriage, thinks that meatballs are "too obvious" for this round. Instead, he's going for a sun-dried tomato turkey sausage. Why not use the oil in the tomato to keep the turkey moist? Good thinking, Ryan. "It's hard to redirect my focus from this miscarriage," he subtly adds.
Time to Meet the Judges
Judge 1: John Higgins. John is described as a "world-renowned chef educator." I guess this is a "Those who can't do, teach" situation. He's a stocky bald man in a suit; to differentiate his attire from Dean, he's wearing a tie and no handkerchief.
Judge 2: Lynn Crawford. Dean says that Lynn is "an esteemed chef and friend of food lovers everywhere." Huh?? Also, the camera is circling around her, and her eyes are moving right along with the lens. Creepy!
Judge 3: Roger Mooking. He's an "everyday exotic chef and author." Ok. He's wearing an open-collar light blue dress shirt and seems bored.
- "Chokecherry has a great flavor," Judge John tells Dean for no reason.
- When Mike says he wants to make "southwest-style" beans, it means that he's adding corn. He then adds cheese to the mix and says that will give it a "cheesy" feel. Oh you chefs and your industry lingo!
- Ryan grabs some swiss chard and starts to make cabbage rolls. He says this reminds him of his grandmother. No additional comment on the grandmother, however. I thought maybe she got run over while helping a group of nuns cross the street to a cancer hospital. We'll never know what happened to Ryan's grandmother.
Soon, the contestants finish up their dishes, and they're ready for the judges.
- Judge John tells Mike that his beans are "nice and tasty." Wait - they were right out of the can! Sure, he added corn, but come on. Mike tells the judges he is here for his daughters.
Mike did a great job pouring the beans from the can.
- Judge Roger is upset with Robin's toast (he added a cheese toast as a side dish). The cheese doesn't go to the edge of the toast. REALLY? Is this judge an eight year old kid? My cheese doesn't go right to the edge! Oh the horror!
- Judge John was not happy with Adam's dipping sauce. Adam mentions he "ran away" at a young age and that the kitchen became his family. Take that, Ryan! Adam has alopecia AND ran away from home. He's in the sob-story lead.
- As the judges discuss the dishes in private, Roger says that Mike's turkey was dry. Then John jumps in and says he really liked the beans. Yes, they were southwest flavor! He did a great job adding in the corn.
Result: Unfortunately, the judges decide that Mike is chopped. I guess the southwest beans just weren't enough to move him to the next round.
Round 2: Entree
Mandatory ingredients:
- Razor clams
- Artichokes
- Mint
- Hickory-smoked potato sticks
- Ryan, whose wife had a miscarriage, says that his goal is to "look at the ingredients once, make a decision, and stick to it." He's going for white wine steamed clams with an artichoke mint salsa verde. If he wins, he assures the camera, he will put the "money in the bank for a future family." See what he did there? He incorporated the miscarriage in a creative way. Premeditated!
- Adam, who has alopecia and ran away as a teenager, is going for a sausage and seafood gumbo. He hasn't cooked with razor clams for a while, so he's a little nervous. Judge Lynn warns that if overcooked, razor clams taste like gum. Dean nods and pretends he knew that.
- Robin is going for a clam chowder with pork belly. "This dish very much represents who I am," he claims. What does that mean? That he's creamy? Fatty?
- Did you know that hickory-smoked potato sticks are a Canadian invention? Dean gave the judges this little fun fact, and now you know too.
Great Canadian exports include:
Hickory-smoked potato sticks, Wayne Gretzky, and Rick Moranis
- Adam says that if he wins, then everything he's been through will have been worth it. Oh I see. So if the judges vote for someone else, then it wasn't worth it to get alopecia and run away as a teenager?
- Ryan says, "I hope to God I make it to the dessert round." Sorry, Ryan. God is too busy figuring out who's going to win the Super Bowl next week.
- Ryan seems to be done with his dish, then decides he wants to add a few more clams. There's only 60 seconds left in the round! He steams a few and plates them at the buzzer. Oh no, one slid across a plate and ruined the presentation! Only God can bail you out now.
It's time for the judges.
- Judge Lynn can't find much clam in Adam's dish. Adam literally walks over to her bowl and points to a few pieces of clam. Awkward! He did resist the urge to mention that he has alopecia and ran away.
- Judge John tells Robin that he can "identify the ingredients," which is a very odd comment. But Judge Roger says, "My palette couldn't find a direction." Oh no! Someone help Judge Roger's palette find a direction! Who says that??
- Judge John tells Ryan that he overextended himself on this dish. Then Ryan mentions that his wife had a miscarriage...ON HIS BIRTHDAY! Oh my! There are two layers to this onion. So now Ryan has a birthday miscarriage, and Adam has the alopecia and a runaway story. This is going to be a photo finish.
- As the judges discuss the meals in private, Lynn adds that Adam treated the artichokes with respect. She likes that. And so do I. Respect your artichokes.
Result: The judges decide that Adam gets chopped. This is a dramatic turn of events! "The razor clams were lost in the gumbo," he's told. I guess the alopecia wasn't worth it after all.
Round 3: Dessert
Mandatory ingredients:
- Beef jerky
- Peaches
- Cloves
- Creamed wheat
- Ryan looks at the basket and decides to go for a white chocolate peach sorbet with molten cake. That sounds great, until he mentions that he wants to win for his "future family." Arrrgh!
- Robin wants to do a peach jam toast with jerky creamed wheat. He describes his idea as "homey comfort food." He reminds us that he's doing this for his family, and if he wins, he's going to take them on a vacation. Compared to Ryan's "future family," this is small potatoes.
- Ryan is worried that his cakes are under-baked; Robin is worried that his toast is burned. Who's going to win??
It's time for the judges.
- Judge John finds Robin's dish tasty, but the toast is burned. Judge Roger says the bread is dry, and that turned him off. Come on, Robin, you have to keep the judges turned on.
- Everyone liked Ryan's cake, but Lynn got some clove in the peach sorbet. That could have ramifications for Ryan and his future family!
Result: Robin ends up getting chopped. The judges picked the winner based on the overall meal, and Robin didn't have enough razor clams in his entree. Also, the toast was burned in the dessert round.
- Dean tells Robin, "You did the Northwest Territories proud." NICE! I bet even Margot Kidder is proud. Robin says, "I hope the chefs in the North see me as a champion." Well, not really. I mean, you did lose the competition.
Margot Kidder must be proud of Robin's peach jam toast.
- When this show aired (January 23, 2014), the exchange rate was 0.8985 US dollars / 1 Canadian dollar. So the $10,000 Canadian cash prize was $8,985 US dollars.
Congratulations to Ryan and his future family on his big win. And best wishes to Dean McDermott as he tries to patch together his broken marriage!
Photo Credits:
Dean McDermott: http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/dean-mcdermott/146784
Yellowknife: http://www.superactiondog.com/thelon/thelon_map.htm
George Costanza: http://seinfeld.wikia.com/wiki/George_Costanza
Baked Beans: http://www.thecentsableshoppin.com/safeway-van-camps-baked-beans-29-barilla-49-more/
Hickory Sticks: http://www.taquitos.net/snacks.php?snack_code=127
Wayne Gretzky: http://www.harrywalker.com/speaker/Wayne-Gretzky.cfm?Spea_ID=877
Rick Moranis: http://www.hollywood.com/news/movies/7815216/m-i-a-rick-moranis
Margot Kidder: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0452288/
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