Highlights from the Fox "Celebrity" Dating Show "The Choice"

This was originally written on June 9, 2012.

The first time I saw a commercial for the Fox show "The Choice," I immediately thought, "It's nice to see Warren Sapp back in the dating game after his recent bankruptcy." But after seeing the first episode, it's clear that this show has more trainwreck potential than I could have imagined.
 
The format is an obvious rip-off of "The Voice." Four "celebrities" sit in chairs facing away from the stage. The host, Cat Deeley, introduces a girl, who has 30 seconds to talk about herself. If a "celebrity" likes what he hears, he'll pull a lever to turn around. If there are multiple "celebrities" who turn around, the girl then has the choice as to what "team" she wants to be on. Once each "celebrity" has 3 girls on his team, the game moves on to the next round.

Let's get to the first-round highlights!

- Cat Deeley comes onto the stage to welcome everyone, and based on the colors behind her, it appears that she's not wearing pants (Fun fact: She actually is wearing pants). After going over the format of the game, we meet the "celebrities."

- The first "celebrity" is rapper Romeo. When he spins around, the chair doesn't appear to move smoothly on the track. It's as if it's a leftover chair from an abandoned amusement park. I'm kind of hoping the chair malfunctions at some point in the show.
 
- Next up is Jeremy Bloom. I have no idea who he is, but apparently he won some medals in skiing. They say he's currently an "internet entrepreneur," which is disturbingly vague.
 
- Jason Cook, the third "celebrity," is a soap opera actor. When he spins around, he says he's looking forward to going out with Cat Deeley. Cat mentions that she's engaged, and there is nervous laughter in the crowd.
 
- The last “celeb” is DJ Pauly D from "Jersey Shore," who is sadly the biggest actual celebrity on the show.
 
- The first girl up is Rachel, who describes herself as "sweet, innocent" and a "cutie with a capital Q." No one is impressed until she says she loves her 96-year old grandmother. Now Jeremy and Jason turn around. Why? Because she loves her grandmother? Why wouldn't she love her grandmother? Is this really so impressive? Jeremy takes a moment to say that he started a charity for senior citizens. Nice plug. Rachel chooses him.
 
- The next girl likes to "take care of people," then mentions that she has a "crazy side." Everyone turns around at this information. Pauly says he loves music, but Romeo doesn't think Pauly remembers her name. So Romeo asks Pauly what her name is, and he can't remember. The girl says it's important that the men she dates know her name. Then she says she would like to be on Pauly's team. What?? But he doesn't know your name! FAIL.
 
- One girl named Lisa attracts both Pauly and Jason. She's a dance instructor and wants the two men to compete in a dance-off. The crowd starts chanting "Dance-off! Dance-off!" They seem to want to do it, but Lisa then says, "I'll take Jason." Wait - what about the dance-off? I was expecting a dance-off.
 
- The next girl says she played volleyball in college. After Romeo turns around, he says it's like "looking at a Picasso." Not quite. Good thing he wasn't Mario Vasquez, because then she could say she didn't want to be another priceless work of art...in his gallery. I was really hoping the girl would confuse the singers and say something like that, but no dice.
 
- Ashley, who looked a like a poor man’s Ashley Herbert from “The Bachelorette,” is next up. She says she was on the high school debate team and also doubles as a superhero. The “celebrities” can’t see this, but she appears to be wearing a top made of aluminum foil. She’s the first contestant that no one selects. It’s sad, but the whole show is sad.

- Jeremy calls a girl an “intellectual,” which makes me actually laugh out loud.

At this point, all of the “celebs” have three girls, and we move on to the second round: speed dating. Each “celeb” has 15 seconds to ask questions to each of his potential dates. When they are about to start, Cat says, “Ready…set…date!”
 
- The questions are absurd. Romeo asks a girl what her favorite color is. Jeremy asks a girl who grew up on a farm to demonstrate milking a cow (she does it). One girl tells Pauly she likes to go outside. Also, she “enjoys music and having fun.” One girl is asked what 9 times 9 is. Fun fact: As I’m watching this, Iran is building a bomb.
 
- Cat wraps up the segment by saying, “I’m sure you’ve gathered some important information that will help you make this difficult decision.”
 
- Each celeb has to eliminate one girl, and Amber, the girl who milked the cow, is kicked off. Also, when Cat asks Pauly D who is NOT going out with him (in other words, who he’s going to eliminate), one of the girls is pointing to herself. She makes the cut, though.
 
For the final round, each girl has to answer a pre-written question from the “celebrity.” The first girl answers with the second girl offstage (much like the Fast Money round in “Family Feud”). After each girl answers, the “celebrity” has to walk to the stage and announce who he would like to go out with.
 
 - Jeremy says he likes to skydive and asks for “the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done.” One girl says she would never skydive, but if he wanted to, then she would. Ok, so you WOULD skydive in the right situation? You said to yourself, “I would never, ever skydive unless ‘internet entrepreneur’ Jeremy Bloom asks me to?” The other girl says that coming on the show is the most adventurous thing she’s done; she adds that Bloom is a “really cool dude.”
 
- Romeo asks for the biggest thing they’ve done for love; Jason asks about mending a broken heart, and Pauly D asks if men and women can just be friends. The answers are horrible, even by this show’s standards. For Pauly’s question, one girl throws out buzzwords like “trust” and “feelings.” I actually feel embarrassed for everyone, and the show wraps up.
 
- Next week, we’ll get updates on tonight’s dates. Also, look forward to future episodes featuring “celebrities” Tyson Beckford, Joe Jonas, Dean Cain, Rob Kardashian, Rocco DiSpirito, Finesse Mitchell, Michael Catherwood, Seth Wescott, Parker Young, Ndamukong Suh, Dr. Robert Nettles, Taylor Hicks, Rob Gronkowski, and Steven Lopez. Additionally, there will be a special female episode with Carmen Electra, Hope Dworaczyk, Rima Fakih, and Sophie Monk.
 
I went in with low expectations and was not disappointed. I would categorize the show as “nearly unwatchable,” which is actually right up my alley. I could see the concept turning into a Lifetime movie starring Meredith Baxter and Wilford Brimley.
 
I wish all the celebrities a fun time on their dates!