This review was originally written on February 28, 2012.
We were down to the final three on this week's episode of "The Bachelor," and that can only mean one thing: Overnight dates! This is usually the best week of the show, if only to watch the women convince themselves that they should stay in the Fantasy Suite "to get to know him better." I am sure they all bonded over a thrilling game of Battleship.
Ok, let's get to the recap!
- The episode starts out with Ben getting on a plane to Switzerland. In the last month, the show has taken him and the girls to Puerto Rico, Panama, Belize, and now Switzerland. It's going to be a shock to the girl who wins that in the future, weekends consist of dinner at Applebee's. "Come on, Ben, you USED to take me all over the world..."
- Ben tells the camera, "I can see life with all of them." This must be thrilling for the girls to hear back. Translation: "None of you really do it for me." Then he adds, "The more I learn about these women, the more lost I become." Oh great. He emphasizes that overnight dates are in play this week, which makes me picture Chris Harrison off camera writing the "invite cards" that will be presented during the dinners.
Date 1: Nikki
- I want to go on the record that Nikki is wearing a massive scarf. It looks like she combined the material for about 3 regular scarves. It basically takes up her entire top. Hey look, the ABC chopper just showed up; surprise! As they get in the helicopter, Ben says his relationship with Nikki "is reaching new heights." Get it? Hardy har har. Booooooo...
- Their date consists of the ABC chopper flying them to the top of a mountain, then having drinks while sitting on a blanket. Why exactly couldn't they have done this back in California? Odd note: During some of the cut-away interviews, Nikki is wearing a new scarf, along with a low cut dress. Very odd. How many scarves did she bring?
- At dinner, Nikki is impressed that Ben "has a surprise for her" - dinner in a log cabin with a romantic fire. She's under the impression that Ben built this cabin himself earlier in the day. Ben seems bored during the date as Nikki keeps saying she loves him. He then enters into the fantasy suite discussion by saying "I love our conversations, but..." Well played! As they enter the Fantasy Suite, Nikki mumbles something about "similar values," which makes me laugh.
- In the Fantasy Suite, Nikki looks at the hot tub and asks, "Are those bubbles?" We have a real intellectual here, ladies and gentlemen.
Date 2: Lindzi
- Of the three remaining girls, Lindzi is clearly the best choice. But Ben puts her to the test by scheduling a "repelling" session, where they are going to go down a mountain. This sounded like fun until they actually did it. They were harnessed in and were slowly lowered at 1 mph down the mountain. I hope that Ben says something like, "If we can do this, we can do anything."
- This date is stupid. I want to change the channel but can't. Ben says to the camera, "This says a lot about her character." How? Because she repelled with you at 1 mph? Ben drops an L-bomb to the camera, which is odd because he won't say it to her.
- In a cutaway with no explanation, they are now in a hot tub kissing. Lindzi says she's "vulnerable," so check that word off your Bingo card.
- Now they are dried off and at dinner. Ben has a bow tie that Maria calls "dumb." Lindzi says their relationship has "blossomed" - another good key word. Now she's talking about "putting up walls" - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- When asked if she will go to the Fantasy Suite, Lindzi does the classic, "I normally don't do this, but..." routine, which makes me laugh. As they enter the room, she describes it as "a fantasy of a suite," which makes my respect for her drop 30%. And now her clothes are coming off. Wow, that took about 90 seconds.
Date 3: Courtney the Trainwreck
- Irony alert: Ben and Courtney start off their date on a train! Courtney describes the scenery by saying, "I feel like I'm in a painting," which causes Bob Ross to turn in his grave.
- They decide to go shopping for food, which is ironic because Courtney's a model.
- Courtney's shirt looks like she's an inmate from a 1960s jail. She explains away her poor behavior to the other girls by saying she "had her guard up." Ben seems to buy it, but Maria and I grade her acting skills as "poor."
- At dinner, Courtney mentions the ever-so-popular "trust issues." "I had my guard up." The delusion reaches a crescendo when she says, "I want normal in this life, and you are that man." Huh?
- No surprise here: Courtney quickly accepts the Fantasy Suite card and jumps in the hot tub. She calls this night "romantic," which is funny because he was with someone else the night before.
Sneak Peak at "The Bachelorette"
- At this point, ABC did a segment on the upcoming season of "The Bachelorette." Emily, the new Bachelorette, goes to L.A. to meet previous Bachelorettes Ali and Ashley to get "tips." First, they go to a store and rock out a 1980s "trying on different outfits" montage. Then they go to the movies to see "Titanic" in 3D. They are all wearing those absurd 3D glasses. I hope Emily wears them all season long.
- That segment was 10 minutes I'll never get back. Absolutely worthless.
Kacie B. Comes to Switzerland
- Kacie B., who was eliminated last week, comes back to Switzerland to meet Ben. She wants to know why he let her go. He gives a stock answer about how she didn't do anything wrong, but he saw himself with someone else. Lots of clichés flying around.
- Then Kacie "anti-endorses" Courtney. You know how newspapers sometimes do an anti-endorsement for a candidate? Such as, "We recommend that you vote for anyone but Bob Smith?" She anti-endorses Courtney. Ben takes it in, but at the end of the day, he's pretty naive, so I don't think it's setting in.
- Ben says he "needs a minute to process all of this." Then Kacie leaves and falls down dramatically on the floor. Did she just pass out? IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR? No, she's ok; she's just overwhelmed. Very random, even for this show.
Final Scenes
- Chris Harrison stops by to chat for a few minutes and earn his paycheck. He's wearing a nice handkerchief in his suit. Chris asks if Ben wants Kacie back in the game. Ben says no, and Chris adds, "I respect that." Good call, Chris. I respect that too.
- Chris works a double shift and has to escort the girls to the rose ceremony. Lindzi and Courtney get roses, which means Nikki goes home. Ben tells Nikki, "It has nothing to do with you...you're incredible...I cried a little bit today....but I started to have doubts." Huh??
- Let's get a good shot of Nikki crying in the limo on the way to the airport. Oh, there it is. Yep, there's the crying ABC wants. Cry away.
Next week is the "Women Tell All" episode, then the finale is the week after that. Tune in then to see the conclusion of this - the most controversial season of "The Bachelor" - ever!
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